Instruction Labels!!

I remember looking at an instruction label the other day, when I was cooking. I can't remember the actual product but I remember the label! It said "WARNING: PRODUCT HOT AFTER HEATING." I taught to myself no way if you heat something does it not make it cold! After double checking the label to ensure I wasn't seeing anything I realised that this was an actual serious label so I decided to go the Internet and check out if there were many more stupid Instruction labels and suprise suprise I found quite a few at http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_172-2455-Actual-Label-Instructions.html

Here are a few:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:

Printed on bottom of the box, do not turn upside down.(Too late! you lose!)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.(Raise your hand if you've tried this..)

On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Some Jokes!!

Few Funny Jokes I heard over the week:

0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really pissed.She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.Bob has been missing since Friday.

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.""I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.

I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


Almost Perfect Life
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter. The old man says, "I'm a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or not (sob)."The young jogger says, "Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for in my life. What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?"The old man says, "I can't remember where I live."

Here's a few random Interesting facts I found on http://www.berro.com/entertainment/general_interesting_facts.htm:

1. No normal piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.
2. Earth is the only planet not named after a pagan God.
3. Every day is about 55 billionths of a second longer than the day before.
4. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
5. Footprints of astronauts that landed on the moon should last about ten million years as there is no atmosphere on the moon.
6. Earthworms have five hearts.
7. Apples are more effective than coffee, to wake you up in the morning.
8. Since 2006, 200 million blogs have been left without updates!
9. Barbie's first name is Barbie Millicent Roberts!
10. Eating a packet of crisps each day is the same as drinking five litres of cooking oil a year!
11. Walt Disney was afraid of MICE!
12. Coca-Cola was orginally green!!

Stardust is Amazing!!!

I went to the cinema last night and watched "Stardust". I taught it was absolutelty amazing. Its a fantasy film like no other. It really draws you in and you can't help but feel like your part of it! I would recomend everyone to watch it as it is good for all ages! I'm not going talk about what happened in it because I don't want to ruin it for the people who havn't seen yet. I felt it was so good that when I came out of the cinema I wanted to watch again!

Young Beauty Queens

Recently, I saw this tv show and it was very strange. It was about young girls competing in Beauty pageants, there was girls aged three dressed in big fancy dresses, they were sprayed tan, had fake hair, fake nails and fake teeth it was all very over top. Then it showed five girls aged six competing in a pageant, all the girls had there hair done with hair extensions in, fake teeth in which where called "flappers" and cost $250 for a set of the fake teeth, it was obvious that none of little girls like wearing them as they put up a fuss when their mothers insisted they put them in. The prize for winning the pageant was $1000 and they got a crown also. The little girl that won was exstatic but all the other girls that did so much preparing for the pageant and got nothing were absolutely destraught. I have no probelms with beauty pageants but I do think there should be certain rules in place. I think the little girls should be judged on their natural beauty not on how much make up they wear! Throughout the whole show the mothers of the little girls where very dominating, they didn't care that their daughters wern't happy, maybe their trying to live their lives through their daughters or maybe their just offering their daughters more oppurtunites for the future!!